Mad Jack Wolfe
Age:
44
Location:
Minnesota
Home or favorite faire
Minnesota Renaissance Festival, Siouxland Renaissance Faire
About Me
The one and only Mad Jack. Accept no substitutes. Especially those cheap inflatable ones with the... never mind.
Bona fide Caribbean Pyrate.
Noted Patron of the Tarts.
As for that little incident at Grand Cayman, I was an almost completely innocent bystander.
By the way; no, I've never actually met Pizarro. But I love his pies.
Stop giggling, Princess Eleanor. People will think we're up to something. Make that other sound, and they'll be certain.
They call me "The Unhousebroken Dog of the Sea!" I take a ship whenever I feel like it.
All complaints about my comments or behaviour should be addressed to my wife, Janelle, unless they pertain any to the following items: life, limb, vision, François Mitterand, hearing, taste, smell, touch, thumb, Aunt Mildred, citizenship, spleen, bedrock, cloves, "I Love Lucy" reruns, toaster, pine derby racer, toy duck, antelope, horseradish, prosthetic ankle, double-cheeseburger, tin foil, limestone, watermelon-scented air freshener, sanity, paprika, German to Pig Latin dictionary, dish towel, pet Chihuahua, pogo stick, Golf Digest subscription, floor tile, upper torso or halibut.
"It's not the liquor talking, love, it's the booze." (Ask Wenchie and Athena)
Music
Anything that has a snappy beat I can drink to.
Movies
I find them quite entertaining. Except for the really boring ones.
Books
Tasty. Wonderful for fixing wobbly tables.
Likes
That which allows me to pursue my hobbies. I also enjoy doing whatever I can to increase my fictional "carbon footprint". (34.7 tons/year at last check.)
Dislikes
Not being able to go to faire. Haikus that rhyme. Cheap liquor. Calamari that fights back.
Hobbies
Pyracy, drinking, wenching, writing, drinking, music, wenching, graphic design, drinking, cooking, wenching, and photography. Not necessarily in that order.
Vices
Home Depot envies my collection of vices.
Virtues
This is a trick question, right?
Honesty may be the best policy, but it really cuts into profits.
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